Endure.

<sub>I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery

I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you</sub>

---

I know a lot of people don't like Thalia very much. I've already been told that x'D And while I enjoy the idea that she's misunderstood - really it's part of her character and I want to keep it that way - I figured I could explain why she's the way she is, at least out of character.

I had this song in mind when I drew this. But not in a heartbreak/love song kind of way. I imagined Thalia looking back, at her younger self  (the cat in the sky, the happy one with the feather necklace Laertes had given her), and promising to never be as romantic, gullible, stupid as she was once.

She was the kind of cat that trusted wholeheartedly, and when she loved someone, she gave them everything she had.
And that has costed her far too much.

The cats in each pawprint are just some of the cats she lost over the years. From the one that's closest to us to the closest to Thalia:
* Her mother, Liefen. Killed by wolves while posing as a distraction to save Thalia. She's dead because of her.
* Her mentor, Zapada. She died before Thalia could apologize to her over her terrible behavior. She carries this guilt up to today.
* Brava, her friend. A kindred spirit. Lost around the same time Cassie and Taze left.
* Cassandra, another friend who disappeared around the same time as Cassandra and Laertes did, leaving Thalia utterly alone.
* Laertes, her deceased mate. He's dead to her. The cat she loved? Dead. He would never do the things this one did.
* Tuko, a cubhood friend. Loosing him nearly killed her. She had watched this kid grow from cub to gladiator... He was her closest friend when Laertes left her. He helped her go trough so much.
* Eden. Thalia always tried to make her see how loved she was. As detached as Eden is, she left Shadow Empire without a single tear. Thalia blames herself for it. She failed as a mother, first with Lily, then with Tiny, then Castalia and now Eden. At this rate, she'll loose all her cubs. Each is a part of her heart, that cracks even more.
* Castalia. Left for Stone Empire angry at Thalia. Hating her for not supporting her mate. Thalia misses Castalia dearly and there isn't a single day that goes by that she doesn't think of her and prays fervently for her to please, please come home.

I could say more. Remus, who she feels guilty for hating so badly when he was alive when he was only doing his job. Her father, Cassius, who she loved and who turned on her and beat her and starved her and abused her in almost every way possible. She must have done something wrong, right? He had loved her... I'm not done yet. Heliot. Shadow's former healer. The one cat that accepted her as she was and didn't try to make her feel better. He was always there for her. And he died in that fire and she couldn't save him. She misses the old tiger so badly. Even Kostenlos. She doesn't want an assassin. She wants her friend. The one of her cubhood, not the one he became after Taze disappeared. He never came back to normal.

Should I continue?

So, why is Thalia so rude and so mean and why doesn't she open up? Why is she probably never going to do that with anyone other than the scraps of family she has left?

She's afraid.

She's afraid of loosing those that are left. She can't take any more losses. It's better to stay away and keep what's left of her heart from breaking entirely.

Hope that clears up some doubts.

---

Sky, I dunno how much EP to charge for this. So it's up to you.
Castalia C rattarie
Eden, Cassandra & Laertes C Staniqs
Brava C Rininiri
Tuko C kiralebia
Zapada C Manjika
Liefen C Sky-Lily